Embarrassment

I had stopped in to the local community center on a walk to test my new hip.
It was barely two months since the surgery. My hip still swelled. The muscles I'd trained so painfully to support the deteriorating joint were still making even a short walk exhausting.

Although I'd admit it to no one, my mind was still on the pain or the expectation of pain.
I was relieved to have walked the short distance to the community center and just wanted to rest a while and look around before heading back. I knew I'd need at least a half hour just sitting. The hip was swollen and stiff. For more than two years, that swelling and stiffness had drained all the energy from me.

But I had learned to keep those thoughts to myself. I had learned that no one wanted to hear about my constant pain. No one wanted to hear my grunts and groans of pain. In fact, I'd learned that my pain was annoying to those around me.
Strangely, they resented my pain.
And I fed that resentment by my own embarrassment.