Australian women as victims

Sometimes, life offers insights which make otherwise obvious conclusions sparkle clear.

THE mother of a Melbourne schoolgirl fears she may be forced into an arranged marriage after her Utah-based father stopped her returning to Australia from the US.

Lydia Karg, who was a student at South Oakleigh College, has not returned from America after a two-week visit to her father in July last year.

Her mother, Tracy Fonti, 40, claims Lydia has fallen under the influence of the Mormon church and fears she will be forced to marry a person chosen for her and live a life of domestic servitude under patriarchal Mormon traditions.

"It is a concern that she might be partnered off -- she could end up in an arranged marriage," she said.

Mrs Fonti said her former husband had indoctrinated her daughter.

Horrible, isn't it? This poor schoolgirl has fallen under the spell of her "super charismatic" American father, and has been stolen from the loving care of her mum. Tucked little further into the piece, the father says,

"Lydia wants to be here," he said. "She was running away from her (Mrs Fonti)."

As an American who has lived in and around Mormons for most of my life; and as an American who has witnessed graphically the sort of desperate victimhood taught and trained into Australian women, I have a very different sort of conclusion.
I'd say the father is accurately describing both his own feelings and the feelings of his daughter.

Mormons

First, the Mormon church is patriarchal, without question.
But arranged marriages are something that only appears in small discredited cults which claim to be Mormon -- just as some Mormon offshoots still practice polygamy. The mainstream church abhors both.
The Mormon church does encourage women to become educated, however. The church provides scholarships and even funds a world-class university, Brigham Young University, which in coordination with the state-owned University of Utah, are internationally reknowned schools of medicine. Both Brigham Young and UU were forerunners in the effort to bring women into higher education, and have been for more than 30 years.

Mormons, even those who have left the church, live their Christian values with a lifelong dedication that challenges other congregations.

Male or female, patriarchy does not mean repression in the Mormon church. It means making an personal, educated commitment based on character. And, to be fair, many Mormons don't choose to follow the church.
If Lydia Karg chooses to follow a life of "domestic servitude", it will be her own choice. These words are just intended to be inflammatory. I'm sure Mrs Fonti is aware of that.

Words are weapons

Patriarchy, mum, domestic servitude, charisma, forced marriage.

These inflammatory words, though, are characteristic of the inculcated victimhood of Australian women though.
As an American, it isn't hard to understand why the influence of her father would make Lydia reject her mother's victimhood; to be repulsed by the life choice to become a victim/abuser.
Mrs Fonti's words are expressions of abuse. They are insulting her daughter's intelligence and, paradoxically, would return her to a society that will bribe her daughter to have children -- resulting in a life of "domestic servitude". Ever more frequently, such bribes result in a woman having a series of children by different fathers.

My impression of Australian women is that they are taught and trained from a young age to the role of victim. For a woman to reject this role is to reject her mother and all that her mother has taught her. From my own experience, the idea can be terrifying. It is more than asking her to step away from her comfort zone. To ask a woman trained as a victim/abuser to be aware of her actions and act, pro-actively, to find other ways to express herself, can cause her to lose her sense of identity. This is part of what Erin Pizzy called the addiction to abuse.
From confusion, comes fear, and then a determined effort to destroy the object of abuse, her partner(s), and in doing so vindicate the addiction to abuse.

Vive le Difference!

From the long standing sayings in Australian culture -- such as "Treat 'em mean; Keep 'em keen." -- the role of an abusive victim is deeply infused in the cultural norm, for both men and women.
Men throughout the world are taught to celebrate the differences between men and women. With a mutual sense of respect, the differences make life fuller, fascinating, and the surprises can make each day joyful.
However much a man may whinge and groan at the quirks of his partner, he loves her all the more for them -- until she turns to abuse; and then nominates herself the victim.

Lydia's American father would quickly identify that saying as teaching his daughter to abuse, and reject it in his own life. He would find it intolerable to be treated that way. Even more, he would not want his daughter trained to the role of victim/abuser.
Mrs Fonti would feel that any misrepresentation or abuse of the public and legal system was warranted in her efforts to discredit Lydia Karg's father.

The hypocrisy of Mrs Fonti fogs the mind. There is no mention of Mrs Fonti's carreer.
She is decrying the role she has chosen. She has remarried. She wants her child back so that she can live the life of "domestic servitude" to care for her daughter and her new husband. And she would teach her daughter the role of a victim, which will dictate the men she will marry.

Did the Herald Sun reporter, Suellen Hinde, question Mr Karg?
It's a sad commentary on the editorial discretion at the Herald Sun to allow such a story to be presented in this manner. Lydia Karg can return to her mother any time she chooses, and her father would probably pay her airfare.
We're not talking about a child being spirited off to Lebanon or Egypt, where laws dictate that children and wives are legally possessions of the father. Lydia lives in the United States. She knows her rights. She is being taught those rights and the protections of those rights every day.

Ironies and Reality

Not all patriarchy is heinous.
It is a patriarchy that gave us all the freedoms we enjoy. A partriarchy gave us freedom of speech, freedom of movement, and the right to own property and privacy. Patriarchal men believed so deeply in those freedoms that they fought and died for them for centuries; and continue to do so to this day.
In fact, these men died defending Mrs Fonti's and Ms Hindi's right to publish their partial and inflammatory article, hoping to raise a public furor.

The ironies of reality strike again. The inference is that Lydia Karg would be better raised in Australia. Yet the best evidence of that would be that no public furor arises, and no political pressure is used. That would mean that Australia has outgrown the institutional support for women as victim/abusers.