Real People: Single parent avoidance theory misconceptions

Again Jason... Perhaps you will not like the beginning... but I hope you agree with the points at the end! :-) :-) :-) :-)

I enjoy is working a 4-day-week (the same as my baby's mother) and sharing the care. My baby has the best of both of us!

Obviously in the case study of Winnicott and Bowlby we have children in EXTREMES of neglect of loving caregivers... for example away from mum during the day and NEVER seeing dad (since he is conscripted and being shot at - so the kid is deprived of BOTH natural parents) in Winnicott's example, and Bowlby's it is worse, orphaned children in the aftermath of WWII living in desperately dire circumstances in large, totally un-funded, orphanages.

To draw any conclusion from these situations to today's kids is crap....(with carer-child rations of 3:1 or similar depending on the age of the kids). Sorry about the language :-)

The stuff I really think is important is the research that looks at the childcare experiences of very young kids and plots their lives through to adulthood... longitudinal studies. Certainly a kid doesn't "like" childcare for a while, especially when it is new, and all the stupid measures like
"dislocation" and "avoidant behaviour" and raised cortisone levels are measurable... IN THE IMMEDIATE SHORT TERM...

But does that make a difference to the kid's lives? Longitudinal studies say NO!!!!

OK, I agree...
Yes, avoidant behaviour is bad.
yes, raised cortisone (the stress hormone) levels are bad yes, dislocation is argued that it is bad...

But are these things part of life? Kids will cry. I have a terrible-two-year-old and I see she is just trying to see what she can get away with. But every 'battle' is very real for her.. and results in raised cortisone levels and avoidant behaviour... yet as parents, kids tantrums sometimes just make you laugh... it is part of life... yep, stress is part of life.

You shouldn't bubble-wrap kids... what you have to do is see if the things you put them will hurt them, or if it is just a 'learning experience' for them.

If it has no measurable effect on a child's life, then surely other things become significant... like the fact that most Australian's expect the "Justice system" to be "Just"

In short... Long-term, chronic stress, damages humans (not just kids).
1: Life is full of stress - but generally short-term
2: Short-term stress is un-avoidable... just try this experiment... double your kids' pocket money and see how long it takes for them to again become "stressed" because they don't have enough money for their "essentials"?
3: Many of the "attachment-style" studies confuse the two... equating "adoption" with "damage" Stress is necessary for adoption.
4: Hence the only VALID way of ascertaining what is good, bad, and OK for kids is to look at LONGITUDINAL STUDIES, THAT FOLLOW REAL KIDS, GROWING UP INTO REAL ADULTS IN THE REAL WORLD. Anything else is a guess, or as I say, a "Freudian Fantasy".

PS I think the "Freudian Fantasy" is a good slogan for our work in the demolition of SINGLE-care-giver Attachment Theory.

James ADAMS (PartTimeParent)
Media - http://www.Fathers4equality-Australia.org
PartTimeParent@pobox.com
Ph 0417 258 364 Sydney, Australia

"The greatest love of all,
is a parent's love for their child!
Family Law betrays that love"

Please feel free to re-publish anything in this email.
Attributing it to Fathers4Equality or myself would be appreciated :-)