Yes, there are only bad fathers

Yes, there are only bad fathers, please read
(reproduced here with permission from a fathers4equality Australia posting)

Email to federal Minister Mal Brough

Dear Sir

My youngest daughter was born in February 1992 and having already a 3 year old daughter I was the richest man in the world and it was a.lso the start of a nightmare which lasts til today and will last forever.

Upon hearing of the arrival of my little one my parents who live in Holland asked if they could come over for her 1st birthday. I said of course and took the news to my now ex wife (name withheld).

Her answer upon hearing this still is as clear as when it was said at the time, her answer was " NO, I don't want them here, they are to stressful and it is my house!"

I was completely taken back by that comment, because my parents have been nothing but nice and generous to her. I let it rest for a few days and thought it would pass, but it never did. She was adamant they were not welcome, but these were my parents and my daughters as well, plus my house also.

My parents came over anyway and why shouldn't they? It was then how it became clear that (name withheld)would stop at nothing and went even so far that she was overheard telling my then 3 year old daughter to call my mother all sorts of names.

Everyone was astounded by what (name withheld)did, but instead of accepting she did something wrong she turned completely the other way. For the next 5 years, there were off and on periods where she made my oldest daughter say things to me in particular, hurtful things, but I never blamed my daughter for it.

June/July 2000 I took my daughters to see their family in Holland, they were spoiled rotten by everyone.

In August that year it was my turn to drop the girls off to school and I can still see the innocence in my then 8 year old daughters eyes when she said " Daddy, opa and oma are dirt, I never liked my holidays with them" . My world collapsed that day and I loved that little girl even more if that was possible, because I very well knew what happened again.

Upon returning from dropping them off at school, I confronted (name withheld)with it and this is what she said with a smile on her face " Well what are you going to do about it"

I was completely dumbfounded by so much hatred.

To make it short, I thought for this woman to stop this kind of thing, I have to leave. I have to take away the reason in her using her daughter in such a way.

I was wrong in thinking that was enough.

(Name withheld)hasn't stopped, even being separated and divorced since 2000, she still continues using her daughters.

We had shared care as we had agreed on verbally. Everything went well until February 2005. I just came back from Holland and Switzerland with my daughters, where we spend a white Christmas and New Year with my family.

Suddenly I was getting emails from (name withheld)that she wanted more money, even though the amount was set by the CSA based on both incomes and level of care, plus (name withheld)got all the Government benefits.

Then one day when it was my turn to have the girls and pick them up from school, they were not there. I rang (name withheld)house and asked if she knew where they were by mobile phone while I was waiting at the school. She told me she already picked them up and that the girls didn't want to stay with me anymore.

As it turned out later, she told the girls that I had abandoned them and didn't want to look after them anymore and hence their mother had to pick them up.

What ever I did, (name withheld)refused flatly to let me have care of my daughters and whisked them as far away as Victoria (we all live in Adelaide) all in order for me not to have care. It became obvious as of to why later in the year as of to why she did this, because she immediately claimed for sole care with the CSA.

Later that year the girls came back to me again, but then of course (name withheld)had already accumulated enough nights having these girls in her care, so she could claim sole care. CSA immediately gave her that, no questions asked. The moment the sole care level of child support was taken out of my pay, she let the girls come back and things went back to what it was, apart from me having to pay her the full amount of sole care, because
everything is based on previous financial year.

I complaint to the CSA and it was agreed that it would change to substantial level of care, which was still way above the amount of shared care, so I applied for the first time for Government benefits.

The moment I did this, (name withheld)once again with held care and told my daughters things that were simply untrue.

I recently found out that (name withheld)has friends ( both women I saw in a personal relationship) who send her letters and emails with the most foul slander you can imagine.

I received a copy from someone of one of those letters. In those letters, I'm accused of being the cause of women attempting suicide, attempting to steal their houses, beating them up etc. The person who handed me over that copy was absolutely disgusted, because she knew none of it was true and it was just pure slander.

That letter also claimed that I do things to my daughters (name withheld)shows my daughters these kind of letters by her friends in order to "prove" to her children they are better off not being with me and what a nasty person I am.

I can categorically state that I had to pick up my daughters, especially the oldest one from (name withheld)place of abode several dozen times for various reasons. Some being (name withheld)drunk inside the house and spewing all over the place, forcing the girls to go with her to single parties, having (name withheld)drive drunk and scare the girls.

One night my oldest daughter ran away from her house and (name withheld)didn't even know she was gone for several hours and this happened in winter at night, Thank God my daughter was found by a taxi driver who took her to the police. I didn't know anything about this until (name withheld)stood on my doorstep at night with a heavily upset little girl. (name withheld)explained what happened and I told her this won't be mentioned anywhere or to anyone and took care off my daughter by taking days off work.

The following Monday when I dropped the girls off to school I was approached by a parent I only knew from seeing her and was told what a scumbag I am for making my daughter run away from her mothers place.

As things stand now I haven't seen my girls for months because they don't want to be with me after their mother showing them emails and that letter from those friends of (name withheld). My little one had a puppy with me who ran away and somehow (name withheld)managed to convince my little girls that it was all my fault and that I deliberately let that puppy run away which in turn has (name withheld)now claiming I broke my little girls heart.

Police is absolutely powerless and found out the law is powerless as well, I explained everything to the CSA, because I simply cannot keep up with the amount of child support I have to pay, which of course is what (name withheld)is after. The only thing I got from the CSA was, if I behave like (name withheld)it would look bad on my record.

I really am completely stuck and have no other option than just to look on how my daughters are being manipulated, used and abused by their mother. I have completely exhausted every possible avenue and have only one option left for (name withheld)to stop using and abusing my daughters and Government Agencies.

I really have no other option than to return to Holland. I thought divorcing (name withheld)would stop what she was doing but her hatred has no limits and what she is doing is apparently completely legal.

Well I really do prefer to have my daughters hate me and believe I have abandoned them, than to watch by and see them continue being used and abused.

I have been financially and emotionally bled dry and all legally by (name withheld).

I already knew (name withheld)wanted me to leave the country and tried to do so. I really have no other choice in the matter anymore, legally and financially I am completely stuck at the dead end. I cannot find any Government Agency that is will to sit down with (name withheld)and say, stop, that's enough.

And when I told (name withheld)about my intentions, something she was after for years, she ends with, well I make sure the CSA will catch up with you there as well.

Yes I am a real bad father, a father who thanks to the wonderful system in this country is forced to leave his daughters.
And yes this is a real life happening scenario - I have to be gone by the end of the year

Your system let mother like (name withheld)do what they do and nothing gets done about it.

Yes women like (name withheld)get all the help in this country, fathers like me are being driven away from his daughters.

Thanks for nothing

Rene Oldenburger

When I read this letter, it was as if I had written it myself.

In order to respect the possibility that this issue may in the future again be before the courts, the mother in question's name has been replaced with "(name withheld)".

Rene speaks simply and eloquently about what he experienced. I know the tone too well. Once, in the same forced, pain-filled tone, I wrote about my own experience. I wrote about the two long years of abuse, and the mindless brutal prejudice I encountered.
I can tell you the words come hard, from the gut and the heart. They come through tears from trembling fingers, wrenching themselves out of from the gut and the heart one letter at a time.

The words fail Rene as he writes, I know. They do not speak of all the feelings involved.
There is resentment and anger in these words, but the sense of betrayal is largely hidden.
Because of the many betrayals, he may not realize for a while that he has lost faith. Faith in love; faith in justice; faith in his own reasons. I wonder if he will ever find a sense of happiness again. It will be hard.
He will have to search for joy and passions, even interest in beautiful things will take years to return.

The lawyers and the courts reduce it all to ugly fantasms and money. Money is really all they seek. Lives and love become forms to fill out; become unwritten lists to fulfill to keep their jobs. The thinking is the same as the concentration camp guards who checked in Jews at Auschwitz and Burchenaw.
And these sick minds do it all under the veil of "Justice", just as those guards were only obeying the law.

I really don't need to wonder if Mal Brough will answer this email. If he is like nearly all of the ministers in the Australian government, he won't bother. If he sees it, at most he will have a cynical laugh with one of the office staff.
Rene is obviously not rich. It really doesn't matter that he is not an Australian. In the view of the Australian government officials, that means he isn't worth the time to scrape dog excrement off a shoe.
I know.

Rene approached the police for help.

All this is reaching the levels of total absurdity.

The Police Family and Child Protection unit is in possession of that letter that was send to me ex. Letters and emails from mental health professionals regard my ex as mentally abusing my daughters.

And what do the police say?

They sympathise but there is nothing that they can do, I get to hear that I should just cop it all and hope 10 years down the track my daughters will get the picture.

And that comes from the Police CHILD Protection unit. I say boo to my ex and the coppers will be all over me like a rash.

And like literally hundreds of thousands of other Australians concluded:

Yep, although I like to stress, this is not about me. This is about my girls, I do not know what this does to them mentally. It's where the entire system falls down.

Adults can do this to children and it's all legal. I have been told by mental health professionals that what the ex does with the help of her friends in writing those letters and emails is mental abuse, and it is
legal. How will they grow up, how ill they interact later in life when they see their mother getting away with it.

Sick thing about the ex is - reply I got was - "Well, I make sure the CSA will get you there as well."

The hatred is unhealthy, unhealthy for my children.

I have heard that there are even worse cases and that the other parent won't stop until the other party is dead and buried. Now in my opinion that is murder by stealth and it is legal. I'm dumbfounded by so much hatred of the ex and the entire system allows it to happen.