Chemically Induced Denial

From my experience, I distrust drugs -- although I have to admit that they have their place in dealing with these problems.

The problem with drugs is that they are like chemically induced denial. They make the person feel better, but avoid dealing with the root causes of the problem. IF the drugs allow the person to seek out and deal with the issues that trouble them, then they are useful.

Medical Model

The key problem here is the medical model.

A psychiatrist is a doctor trained in psychology. Doctors are trained to treat symptoms with drugs.

You take an antihistamine, for example, to clear up a runny nose. It does nothing to help cure the cold.

You're the Guinea Pig

Another issue that arises is when the doctor writes a prescription for psychotropic (mood-altering) drugs.

Each of these drugs affect different people different ways. The doctor is giving the prescription -- too often -- as an experiment to see if it will help you (the patient.)

What they don't tell you is that it is up to you to be aware of how the drug affects you and to report back to be sure it's working.

These drugs take from 2 weeks to 2 months to really take effect. It doesn't happen tomorrow or next week even. If you return to your doctor in a week and he asks you how the drugs are helping, realistically you shouldn't feel anything in most cases.

(In fact, many of these drugs cause nausea and disorientation for a while. THAT would be the accurate response to show the drug was *trying* to accomplish the desired effect!)

Now, if you go back in 2 months and report to the doctor or psychiatrist that you're feeling better, you've got a drug that works for you. If it isn't working, then you have to report that and try another drug.

-- Surprise: It's up to the patient to manage the drugs; not the doctor or psyhiastrist. There is some degree of self esteem to be earned in that fact, but most doctors (or psychiatrists) won't let you know.

Drugs only help

If you, as the patient, don't use the drugs to help you deal with the issues, you're wasting your time and money on the drugs.

Most of these problems are related to:

• self-esteem,
• betrayal (by spouses, courts, too often children and society itself),
• boundary issues (co-dependence),
• and daily stress caused by loss of possessions, changes forced upon the person,
• and financial strains (read: identity and self esteem again here)

These things are not simple issues. They are interrelated and complex. They take time to manage, and then overcome.

Finding closure is sometimes doubly difficult because of the children being involved.

To that degree, someone who is trained to see and focus on the issues is helpful. But they don't have to be a professional, anyone who has been through the process can do the same thing.

Many times, all the person needs is somewhere to vent. People are resilient. We all have the capacity to deal with these traumatic issues. The part played by a professional or friend is to help the person handle it.

Labelling

Labelling diagnoses (-- And Yes, it is labelling. --) like BPD, NPD, Depression, Anxiety and Abusive attitudes help by reassuring the person that what they see has been identified. If they can identify the pathology of the circumstances, it helps them in managing their reactions.

No one can manage the reactions of another person. (Trying to manage the reactions of another person is evidence of diseased thinking.)

Hopefully, the person who identifies a disorder in the other person doesn't just use it as a weapon. (I made this mistake in desperation after many months of abuse, and she had ignored all attempts to get her or both of us to counselling.)

With enough love and patience, and treatment, sometimes these disorders can be overcome. And when I say that, I mean with another person or within yourself. The same words apply: love, patience, and treatment.

Just Yesterday

I am saying these things from my own experience. And they are in raw focus because of what a friend told me just yesterday over coffee. He told me of a long-term friend he had who had committed suicide.

The guy was smart, talented but never stuck to anything. He got bored with things.

He has three kids, and went through a divorce. He kept the younger child because the mother said the kid was too much for her. (Insert wrenching disgust here.)

Paul,

I like your phrase "chemically induced denial", captures it well.
Although there are circumstances where psychoactive drugs can provide temporary relief, more often than not it provides that chemical straight-jacket.
I once read a lecture comparing the physiological effects of antidepressants to those one experiences when being ‘tickled’ by another person, and we all know that if we are in a bad mood and someone brings a smile to our face by tickling we might at the very same moment feel nothing remotely close to happiness “inside”.

I have heard the term “reactive depression” to describe the normal emotional reaction to traumatic life experience.
– Jason T from the fathers4equality Yahoo list

The point is that depression is a normal human emotion, just like laughing or embarrassment. When you lose someone close to you, or a relationship—which is similar to a death in the family—it’s perfectly normal to feel depressed.
In fact, you should go through all the stages of Greif in such situations in order to achieve closure. (Short form, stages of grief: Denial, Depression, Anger, then Acceptance.)

Obviously, there is a disease called Depression. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain and body which causes a person to feel depressed when there may not be a sufficient (read: traumatic) reason. This sort of depression is often cyclical. It comes and goes at unpredictable times.

IMO It is chemically induced denial.
When I separated from my x I went on chemical induced denial. It’s taken over three years and I am finally off the anti depressants.
It was good for me to start with but towards the end of the second year my biggest fear of getting off them was the withdrawals. The withdrawals lasted for about two months. The withdrawals are horrible. Both S and me came off them together. S says she is thinking clearer and feeling like creating things. Now I am feeling more and creating more but without the immediacy of the initial turmoil and uncontrollable pain that we all suffer at those times.
-- Dan O from the fathers4equality Yahoo list

And there is a tendency to be depressed.—This is me, with a uncontrollable tendency towards anxiety thanks to my workaholic past.—which might be understood as a marginal chemical imbalance.

The hardest part of any mental illness is the same as for sudden physical disability: Your body and/or mind go off and do things you don’t want them to do.
There is nothing more frightening.

The only thing more frightening is the way some people think anyone who has a diagnosis is somehow dangerous. (My ex) knew that I was not bipolar. She had seen the reports from US psychologists and a psychiatrist here in Australia (-- I had to pass a full medical exam to emigrate. --), yet she made a point of slipping in a statement in the court that I was bipolar.
Yes, I could charge her with slander and perjury over that fact. It’s in the court record, and she said it only to prejudice the magistrate. It was a lie and she knew it.
But to do that, I would have to invest time and money that I would rather put to more positive ends.
I do harbour the hope that someday her true nature will become evident to all she involved; and that they will encourage her to get treatment.