Pathology continued 1
Men can suffer in relative silence from abuse, telling themselves that this is just the price they pay for having a woman in their lives ("She's just a woman. That's how they are.", or "It's hormonal."), and feeling 'manly' for being enduring under the stress. Telling themselves, "I love her. I have to take her as she is." or "I can do this, every man goes through this sort of thing."
Then, when all the thoughts and beliefs they'd cling desperately to are thrown away suddenly by the courts and the prejudices of the system, -- They are condemned as the abuser. -- the man is thrown into depression and anxiety that may last for years. He may find no matter what 'good advice' he is given, he still wants to please the woman in his life.
The conflicts of intense feelings meant to drive a lifetime together, lies and being held guilty, and being treated like a criminal for trying to be a "good man" ... It's not a wonder it takes years to survive a divorce or breakup.
During this period, the man cannot carry out the sort of well-planned project outlined in that letter. If he's lucky, someone steps forward to take him nearly literally by the hand and walk him through it. -- He will probably resist each step emotionally. -- Or if he can afford it, he'll get an attorney who will make the steps for him.
No matter what direction he goes or how, if he loved, this will be a time of physically painful emotions that will change his view of life forever.
I've sat in front of a friend recently, trying to talk 'sense' to him. He's having problems that are screaming warning signs to me. I've shown him how and what to do, and why.
He just looks at me with a crooked, knowing smile. You can see the words in his eyes: "You just don't understand. That won't happen to me."
The conclusion is obvious and simple: Men need all the support that women do to get through this sort of thing -- from those who understand the firm, often grim, determination and will that a man has to hold a family together.
People who understand the will and effort he puts forth because he loves that deeply.
People who realize that the courts and system discount and dismiss his feelings as so unimportant they don't even warrant mentioning.
People who understand that the system holds him guilty of things he would never imagine doing, and punishes him without proof.
And he needs access to legal help, not so much because that is a good way to resolve these issues, but because the legal system has taken the role.
A man without legal support will not be able to present the truth. The courts are designed to listen to lawyers, not people.
He will only be amusement for the magistrates while his life is dismantled and all he loves and believes in insulted.
Then, when all the thoughts and beliefs they'd cling desperately to are thrown away suddenly by the courts and the prejudices of the system, -- They are condemned as the abuser. -- the man is thrown into depression and anxiety that may last for years. He may find no matter what 'good advice' he is given, he still wants to please the woman in his life.
The conflicts of intense feelings meant to drive a lifetime together, lies and being held guilty, and being treated like a criminal for trying to be a "good man" ... It's not a wonder it takes years to survive a divorce or breakup.
During this period, the man cannot carry out the sort of well-planned project outlined in that letter. If he's lucky, someone steps forward to take him nearly literally by the hand and walk him through it. -- He will probably resist each step emotionally. -- Or if he can afford it, he'll get an attorney who will make the steps for him.
No matter what direction he goes or how, if he loved, this will be a time of physically painful emotions that will change his view of life forever.
I've sat in front of a friend recently, trying to talk 'sense' to him. He's having problems that are screaming warning signs to me. I've shown him how and what to do, and why.
He just looks at me with a crooked, knowing smile. You can see the words in his eyes: "You just don't understand. That won't happen to me."
The conclusion is obvious and simple: Men need all the support that women do to get through this sort of thing -- from those who understand the firm, often grim, determination and will that a man has to hold a family together.
People who understand the will and effort he puts forth because he loves that deeply.
People who realize that the courts and system discount and dismiss his feelings as so unimportant they don't even warrant mentioning.
People who understand that the system holds him guilty of things he would never imagine doing, and punishes him without proof.
And he needs access to legal help, not so much because that is a good way to resolve these issues, but because the legal system has taken the role.
A man without legal support will not be able to present the truth. The courts are designed to listen to lawyers, not people.
He will only be amusement for the magistrates while his life is dismantled and all he loves and believes in insulted.
posted by Unknown at
10:11 AM
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