Questions, Questions, Questions ...

I've watched Ash Patil's fathers4equality group evolve over the last year. What struck me initially was two themes: 1) a name-calling rant against women in general, and feminazis; and, 2) a random blast of copied articles that filled the screens that proved women were violent too.
A lot of the posts were just rants from the frustration, pain and disgust. Many men needed to vent their rage at finding that the things they wanted most to have faith in: the family, their partners, and the government, were betraying them.

Slowly, a third theme emerged: the statistical discussions about the equality of the sexes. Unfortunately, that theme first emerged in a stream of articles and studies that proved women and men were equally abusive.

Then came the push to exploit the opportunity to make real changed in Australian family law -- the Equal Parenting legislation.
That effort dominated the group for months. And, I expect because of the frustrations, it will continue to be a part of the list emails for a long time yet.

After a couple of months, I started doing some venting of my own on here. That was somewhere previous to the start of the Equal Parenting push, as I recall.
I tried to keep my venting within the realm of sanity. Sometimes I succeeded; sometimes I didn't. (I keep all my old emails.)

I posted my story to this group and others hoping to find some sort of help in my personal struggle. What I found was even more disturbing: There was no effective help.
I needed help with legal issues, reasonable support, and to regain control of my issues, personal and legal.
I offered my skills and experience to a number of groups in exchange for help. No takers.

I called and researched to find the help I needed. -- Nothing.

In the process, I learned the depth of the prejudice and ignorance. Another lesson learned.

Then another, from the people in my neighborhood: The people that stepped forward to help me were -- women.
One disabled woman lent me her car to get around. The deal she gave me was when she needed to drive somewhere, I had to drive her. Her back was injured in two car accidents, and driving caused her unmanageable pain.
She employed some of my skills to help organize and structure the Injured Persons' Support group at the local community center, her pet project.
A couple of women sent me hot meals and even groceries. I hardly knew them. I didn't go around begging. They just saw a need and responded.
Another woman, one of the most sought-after corporate trainers in Melbourne, decided to mentor me into the field. We're looking into setting up corporate training in Frankston in June. She and her family have taken this lost soul in. (sheesh!)
Literally, the most effective help I've found in the last two years has come from the personal efforts of these women.

I thought I saw the need for feelings and emotions to be expressed, so I described what I had been through and how it had affected me. Then I began talking to a variety of people -- lawyers, social workers, people from the beach, feminists, even just kids I met at the pool where I swim -- and posted the reactions.
One thing I learned face to face one evening at Seaford beach was that most feminists are appalled and disgusted with the direction feminism has taken.

At first, I'm sure I must have come across to some as a "wimp" or "pooftah". In time, some of the men thanked me for expressing things that many felt, but few could put into words.
I have to admit those few responses were ... gratifying.

It doesn't come easy for me, either. I find myself struggling for words, then trembling as I use the words to describe what has happened.

I formed the view that the one thing that was missing on this group and other support groups for men was the ability to discuss their feelings. There are no socially acceptable terms for a man to use.

What that means is this movement lacks one of the most powerful tools to influence the social and political environment: real stories from the heart.
The 'opposition' has used that tool to extraordinary advantage. You'll find thousands of blogs and forum entries where women pour out their side of a story in heart-rending prose all over the Net and the literature today.
These millions of words have formed the political and social fabric, the social agenda, and influenced governments all over the world to do some pretty damned silly things (-- the VAWA act in the US and the Ministry for Womens' Affairs here in Australia, for example.)

This contrived social climate has influenced legislation far beyond reality and the facts.

If the question is: Do women have a role in determining the direction of Family Law?
The answer is startlingly obvious when the question is posed like that. -- There is no question that they do.
I think it's obvious that men cannot accomplish any realistic change without women.

On the question about the name of the group. I don't think it matters.
NOW -- National Organization of Women -- is the most influential and powerful feminist group on the planet. It's international and has many male members. Yet the name supposedly excludes men ...

When I first started posting to this group, I asked why it wasn't "parents 4 equality." The post drew no responses.

I'd like to point out a couple of things.
One, to those who see "parents 4 equality" as inclusive, I'd like to point out that I am not a parent, and it excludes me.
I was just collateral damage in this conflict.
(My ex) simply saw that she could use the prejudice in this system to force me physically from my home, and then could slander me forever.
It was just too easy. As an abusive personality, she could not resist the intrinsic duplicity and deceit built into this system.
That in itself may be a lesson: Perhaps we are all fighting the wrong battle.

--Paul