Why I don't practice Family Law..

A long-time lawyer explained why he doesn practice Family Law. He is not alone. I've met at least two other lawyers who've expressed similar feelings to me.

I feel for my clients. One big reason I can¹t practice family law.

The result needs to be fair and equitable.

The legal process as a whole is one which is unfortunately in practice has nothing to do with justice and very much to do with winning.

Unfortunately the family law system is one which is entrenched.

The only way to change it is to change it is to change the law, and that is through the politicians and government both at state and federal level.

A very interesting point, but people should look at the internal guidelines of places like the Department of Human Services in Victoria.

Their guidelines in relation to domestic violence are written in a gender specific nature.

We must ensure that the mother is protected from harm...² we must do everything possible to assist the mother and protect her and the children from the violence and abuse of the father.

I am paraphrasing but people need to look at this. How does a man have a fair chance when government departments have policies such as these!

It's great when one sincere quote from a knowledgeable source pretty much says it all.

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Betrayal

Betrayal is one of the most difficult emotions to handle.

There are so few things in this life which prove trustworthy. Young people trust everyone and everything. It's a natural beginning.
Distrust and fear must be learned.
Sad people learn to distrust too many people and things. - This is the disease of middle age which brings so many to an unhappy old age. These people live their lives in fear. Too often they teach their children this fear too young.
When we finally find something we feel we can trust - and love - and that person or thing betrays us, it earns our distrust and teaches us fear.

Literature and the news are full of the stories of those who feel betrayed. Mothers destroying their children (e.g., Media from the Illiad) rather than allowing their father to see them; or filling their children with unreasonable fear.
Pained by a real or imagined betrayal, these parents betray the love and trust their children place in them. It rends the heart to see that the parents do not see that. Their excuse is that they are "protecting" the children from the other parent.
Too often the betrayal is only imagined; or nothing the other person could control (illness or accident) - but the vicious self-righteousness of the scorned or betrayed is never ending.
"The wrath of a woman scorned...", even is she is not.

There are other relationships in our lives which we must trust, such as the trust in law and government. Men who have experienced the prejudice of the courts and legal/social system feel betrayed.
Volumes can be written describing how such betrayal endangers the foundations of freedom in a nation. If the citizens cannot trust the government, then they will change the government sooner or later.

Australia betrayed me. I joined the ranks of tens of thousands of Australians - men, women, children and families - who were betrayed by Australia.
By allowing my ex to use the prejudice in the system to extort my home and possessions, slander me with my own suffering, then condemn me without incident or proof and even an attempt to find the truth, Australia betrays the faith and confidence of its citizens. Mine is just one small example amongst the ever-increasing many...

Despite the friends I made later, I could not forget Australia's betrayal. I will never again trust anything Australian. It speaks volumes to me that the close friends I made after leaving the relationship were with foreigners living in Australia, or Australians who wished to leave the country.
The eyes and feelings of the men I met who were also betrayed by their country show that they will never trust the legal system. Many have committed their lives to seeing the system changed because they still love their country, but cannot abide the sense of betrayal by an arrogated few.

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Fighting the Flashbacks

I've been keeping myself busy working with a friend to develop a business plan for his small business; something to return the favor he did me by being there for me - pretty much a complete stranger then - for more than a year when I was a wreck emotionally and physically. We've been moving his things from one house to another, something that would have been impossible for me a year ago - physically, if not emotionally.
He acknowledged that a year ago, I could hardly walk.

A neighbor turned to me a couple of days ago and asked if I realized what I sounded like when I slept: that I was calling out, rolling back and forth, and choking out shouts to my ex? - I apologized for what they'd seen. I knew I was going through the flashbacks again, but didn't realize they were making me put on such a show when I just drifted off for a nap.
She looked at me, and asked, "Did you know what you were doing the first year?"
I had to admit, "No, not really."
"Were you looking for her to come fix it?", she asked.
"I suppose I was."
I kept hoping, just barely letting myself think of it, that someone - in her family, her friends, or even the police or courts - would realize that what she was doing was cruel, even inhuman; that someone would stop her; make her realize what a sick thing she was doing for no reason. It makes me laugh painfully now, but even she admitted she had no grounds for what she planned. It made no difference. She knew the brutish prejudices of her country well.
And once she turned to an attorney, there was no turning back.

You have to wonder if at some point she realized what a horrid example she set for her children. Maybe that example is the crass, cynical way she taught them? I have no idea. Someday, Australia will be behind me. Despite the friends I've made here, I will never forget those two years of abuse, and what happened afterwards.

Thinking about it, the realization came to me that I was not alone in those feelings. Many of the men I'd met and talked to seemed to have similar expectations hidden in their words and feelings.
For me, these feelings have become emotional flashbacks that rake tears from my eyes for weeks during a certain period each year. The feelings sit just below the surface, viscerally beneath my skin, ready to drive my mind into a painful blankness while my body shakes. I wonder how many other men have the same feelings but are unwilling or unable to talk about them?
From the 50-or-so men that I have met, I would say tens if not hundreds of thousands across Australia.


I try to keep my mind and self occupied during these times, but it only works on the surface. Any time I try to rest or relax, the emotional trauma comes out.
There is nothing decent, fair, or right in what happened two years ago. But it does illustrate the shallow brutality of the law. As much as the abuse from my ex and her family was wrong; the further abuse I endured from the Australian legal system was at least as wrong.

There is a story about Victorian Legal Aid sending out letters from the phone book accusing 5 men of fathering a 12 yr old child. One of the letters went to a 15 yr old boy; who would have been 3 at the time of conception. The public pretense is that this is a singular mistake, but based on my experience with Victorian Legal Aid, it would be characteristic of the ethics of that organization, the Victorian courts and police.
So characteristic, in fact, that my ex confidently threatened to use the raw prejudice in the system for months while I was painfully crippled and disabled, then executed her extortion successfully despite being exposed by me repeatedly to VLA.
This blatant prejudice and its illegal use are supported actively by the Attorney General of Victoria, Rob Hulls. I must assume for political reasons.

One of the stories in the news is that cynicism damages the heart. How can anyone avoid cynicism in a place where such people administer the law?

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