Ones perception

Firstly let me say that F4E is such a great forum and is full of great information and ideas. I find it very interesting to hear about issues that other non custodial parents have and know that hey, it's not just me.
I fell into this category only 3 years ago and had no idea that there was anything remotely close to a support group/network for men in my situation.

Yeah I knew about the support for the ladies who have been so traumatised by their relationships ending, how every they choose to explain it, but for me all I got was silence. Well that was all I thought I needed, being a man and all.
Who wants to be a sook and speak up about things that society says I should just be able to "suck up" and be a "man" about. Yeah, we need a voice and we need to amplify that voice as loud as we can.

I must give a huge wrap to DIDS as well. I live on the Sunshine coast and Gerry from the Noosa DIDS meetings has been a rock. Thanks mate.

After the emotional rollercoaster that we have all been on and continue to ride that is our non-custodial lives, I have made a peace offering to my ex that will see me move to Mackay in Sept/Oct this year. Her new hubby works up there and she wanted to move. Wanted to take the kids and let me have them for the holidays and that's it.

At this point I have to admit to being very appreciative of the fact that I had orders in place that meant she had to be in a specified place for handover every 2nd weekend, or I prob' wouldn't have had a leg to stand on. Therefore she didn't move and the minimal contact of every other weekend has been the status quo thus far.
Since she moved our kids from Brisbane out to a place that is 50km SW of Toowoomba (I'm in Noosa), our kids spend up to 8 hours every other weekend in a car. But hey she moved for them don't you know! Anyway I offered to move to Mackay so our kids would have no travel, a stable school, no threat of moving all the time, one peer group and social structure, one sporting and recreational adventure to concentrate on etc etc.....and the bonus for her, she could be with her new partner.

The conditions where that we go 50/50 and there is no CSA. She took less than 24hrs to give me a yes and so it is on. Funny how all the stuff I have supposed to have done and am supposedly capable off is now not an issue :)

How stoked am I? Words don't do that emotion justice.
My ex and I still have "disagreements" but we are talking more. We are communicating better and I can see and feel the difference in our kids. Shared care is not going to be easy and adjustments need to be made, but for me it is a business that needs clearly defined goals and boundaries. Everybody needs to be on the same page and expectations need to be defined not just assumed.

I have taken these strategies into my current relationship and having learned from my past, and my now situation is absolute serenity. All men need to communicate to their partners. I can't stress that enough, stuff the embarrassment, stuff the ego.....tell how you feel, but more importantly tell them how THEY are making you feel.
Ones perception of something usually, in my experience, is so off the mark with regard to how your partner was trying to portray it to you.

For what it is worth the new direction the family court is taking, although slowly is a positive one.
The kids need us as parents to get over our shit and put them first. What ever the situation mum and dad need to adults. The buck stops with us and if we get the education prior to an event like a split happening then our kids will be better for it.

I am sure people have mentioned this before but we as minders for the future of the planet, that is our kids, need to be pro-active and not re-active.

So with my move edging closer I was wondering if any fellow members to this forum live or work in Mackay and would be able to help me out with leads in the following areas:

• Housing ( renting Looking for a 3 bed, nth side)
• Work (Personal Trainer - Fitness center management etc, Diploma in I.T System support, Heavy Rigid License,)
• Would love to get into heavy earth moving equipment in the mines or any sort of traineeship with a mine. If someone knows where to start I would be very grateful.

Thanks heaps for reading and I look forward to hearing something soon.

Nice one.

(reproduced here with permission, Blake Abbot, from the fathers4equality list on Yahoo)