From Poor Richard's Almanac:

From Poor Richard's Almanac:

A. An empty bag cannot stand upright.
B. Be always ashamed to catch thyself idle.
C. Cheese and salty meat should be sparingly eat.
D. The Doors of wisdom are never shut.
E. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
F. Full of courtesy, full of craft.
G. God helps them that help themselves.
H. Hunger never saw bad bread.
I. If you'd have a servant that you like, serve your self.
J. If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty.
K. Keep thy shop and thy shop will keep thee.
L. A Lie stands on one leg, the truth on two.
M. A Man without a wife is but half a man.
N. Nothing but money is sweeter than honey.

O. One today is worth two tomorrows.
P. Pay what you owe and you'll know what's your own.
Q. A Quarrelsome man has no good neighbours.
R. The Rotten apple spoils his companion.
S. Speak little, do much.
T. Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
U. Up, sluggard, and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough.
V. Visits should be short, like a winter's day.
W. Well done is better than well said.
X. A good example is the best sermon.
Y. You may delay, but time will not.
Z. There are lazy minds as well as lazy bodies.

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The underbelly of the beast

There is the perennial joke about three blind men trying to describe an elephant.
One finds a rough wall; another a whiplike snake; and the third a huge hose. The joke has any number of punch lines, some lurid or disgusting, depending on the mood or attitude of the philosophy instructor. The real punch line is to show that people form perspectives on how they experience the whole, in this case an elephant.
I had one instructor who showed an elephant, then a second slide of a pile of elephant dung, which led to a long discussion about whether elephants got viral infections...

For almost two years now I have used this blog as a personal forum to pour out my frustrations and experience. It has documented efforts to understand the injustice and abuse I suffered first at the hands of my former partner, then before the social policies dominant in Australia. In the aussie vernacular, I was not impressed.
Articles were republished here with the permission of the authors even when I marginally disagreed with the comments or apparent purpose. Usually, I wholeheartedly agreed with the purpose, but had to force myself not to comment. These articles came from the many other forums, blogs, meetings and conversations I've attended over these years.

I found that I was collateral damage in a much larger struggle across Australia and the world. My former partner had simply taken advantage of a systemic prejudice against any man in a relationship in Australia, - probably best illustrated by an unreasonable but commonly taught statistic: 8 out of 9 men (87%) in relationships in Australia are abusive.
A statistic driven by the prejudice of the courts, and simply a greedy divorce industry, with no sense of social responsibility or democratic leadership.
If that statistic were true, then Australia would truly be a sick society. It is not, judgments on the current state of Australian democracy aside for the moment. I have found the people of Australia to be a warm and gentle people, male and female.

Because of my own bad experience, I might continue the analogy to say my experience as the guy behind the elephant - when it had diarrhea. This sort of experience is bound to shape a person's thinking.
My experience was further darkened by stumbling into other failings of Australian democracy: anti-Americanism fueled by a crude nationalism; the social stigma against the disabled; and the failure of the Australian education system to convey an understanding of democratic principles for citizens to believe in.
In every case, I had to take my own experience and interpolate causes, which is a process that left a bitter sense of uncertainty. It is too easy for anyone at any level to dismiss such conclusions with attractive rhetoric.
I was not privy to the facts, only the results.
Although many shared similar bitter experience, and formed a brutal cynicism, few would acknowledge or admit to the roots of the problems because they felt a need to be proud of their country. As an American who has endured the tortured times surrounding Nixon and Watergate, Reagan's attacks on social services, and now the Bush administration, I understand those feelings too well.
From the underbelly of the beast, the best you can hope for is to not get squashed.

It is gratifying to see that my conclusions drawn from limited experience were largely correct.
From The Age, today:

The Howard Government has been progressively dismantling the democratic processes that create the capacity for public debate and accommodate dissenting opinion. The tactics used to silence critics are diverse, including the withdrawal of government funding, threats to destroy the financial viability of dissenting organisations, appointment of party functionaries or friends to key positions, strict interpretation of laws governing release of information, and the targeting of individuals. One sector that has been a particular target of these efforts to silence dissent is the non-government sector.

In Australia, recent years have seen an unprecedented attack upon non-government organisations, most particularly upon those organisations that disagree with the current Federal Government's views and values. The attacks have come from the Government itself and from close allies such as the Institute of Public Affairs. Questions have been raised about NGOs' representativeness, their accountability, their financing, their charitable status and their standing as policy advocates in a liberal democracy such as Australia.

Finally, the name of an organization that has coordinated what I have seen and experienced.
I first saw the dismantling of advocacy over two years ago while working to modify the functionality of a database for a disability-oriented organization in Melbourne. One after another, the trainers and workers needed to share the story of how the agency had been forced from its advocacy role into training because funding had been cut.
Auditors had come through their offices, I was told, to ensure that their primary focus was not advocacy, because government policy was not to fund advocacy. I was appalled, but wanted to shake off the politics and get my work done. In time, I came to understand that this was a coordinated effort to dispel dissent across Australia as the Clive Hamilton and , spells out in some detail in his soon to be released book:

(above) This is an edited extract from Silencing Dissent: How the Australian government is controlling public opinion and stifling debate, edited by Clive Hamilton and Sarah Maddison. Published next week by Allen & Unwin, rrp $24.95

I have to wonder if this book will be restricted by the Howard government as "sedition" under the anti-terrorism laws still in full effect in Australia?

No one will call George W Bush a constitutional scholar. But how he could fete and honor John Howard nationally as the "Iron Man of Australia", and in the same breath say that Howard had employed methods from Manuel Noriega makes my head spin. Thankfully to date Mr Howard has not incorporated all of Noriega's methods. There are no death squads - that we are aware of.
The tone and attitude of Howard's national government for the last decade has filtered down to the state level though, at least in Victoria. Victoria's A/G, Rob Hulls, is cut from the same political cloth despite being a member of the opposition Labor Party. Although few Australians voice it, the sense of fear is culpable in many voices even if they will only speak of such things guardedly - meaning in tense voices only on the phone. I have been warned more than once about speaking my mind since the phones may be tapped.

The continued attacks on the advocacy work of NGOs, along with the survey responses described above, paint a bleak picture of the state of public debate in Australia, suggesting a high degree of coercion on the part of Australian governments.

Many NGOs are reluctant, if not afraid, to speak out.

While state governments are also guilty at times of pressuring NGOs to conform, the Howard Government's willingness to smother dissent poses a disproportionate threat to the democratic process in Australia.

As an American, I have to wonder if this is the sort of ally America wants or needs in this part of the world?
A point made in The Age article is privileged NGOs were openly invited to cabinet-level meetings, and that that is a federal crime in Australia; while other organizations were only met with closed doors and no funding. There was little question in many minds that something was wrong, but no one I met had any idea where to point the finger other than generally and meaninglessly at John Howard.
It's hard to say that the Nixon and Reagan (Iran-Contra) indictments were good for America. All in all, probably, but there was nothing pleasant or inspiring in them. How Australia would fare if members of a sitting or former government were jailed for criminal acts is hard to say. Bitter cynicism is easier to handle if you're helpless; frustration in the face of obvious guilt can damage a person or society for as long as memory remains.

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Fighting the Flashbacks

I've been keeping myself busy working with a friend to develop a business plan for his small business; something to return the favor he did me by being there for me - pretty much a complete stranger then - for more than a year when I was a wreck emotionally and physically. We've been moving his things from one house to another, something that would have been impossible for me a year ago - physically, if not emotionally.
He acknowledged that a year ago, I could hardly walk.

A neighbor turned to me a couple of days ago and asked if I realized what I sounded like when I slept: that I was calling out, rolling back and forth, and choking out shouts to my ex? - I apologized for what they'd seen. I knew I was going through the flashbacks again, but didn't realize they were making me put on such a show when I just drifted off for a nap.
She looked at me, and asked, "Did you know what you were doing the first year?"
I had to admit, "No, not really."
"Were you looking for her to come fix it?", she asked.
"I suppose I was."
I kept hoping, just barely letting myself think of it, that someone - in her family, her friends, or even the police or courts - would realize that what she was doing was cruel, even inhuman; that someone would stop her; make her realize what a sick thing she was doing for no reason. It makes me laugh painfully now, but even she admitted she had no grounds for what she planned. It made no difference. She knew the brutish prejudices of her country well.
And once she turned to an attorney, there was no turning back.

You have to wonder if at some point she realized what a horrid example she set for her children. Maybe that example is the crass, cynical way she taught them? I have no idea. Someday, Australia will be behind me. Despite the friends I've made here, I will never forget those two years of abuse, and what happened afterwards.

Thinking about it, the realization came to me that I was not alone in those feelings. Many of the men I'd met and talked to seemed to have similar expectations hidden in their words and feelings.
For me, these feelings have become emotional flashbacks that rake tears from my eyes for weeks during a certain period each year. The feelings sit just below the surface, viscerally beneath my skin, ready to drive my mind into a painful blankness while my body shakes. I wonder how many other men have the same feelings but are unwilling or unable to talk about them?
From the 50-or-so men that I have met, I would say tens if not hundreds of thousands across Australia.


I try to keep my mind and self occupied during these times, but it only works on the surface. Any time I try to rest or relax, the emotional trauma comes out.
There is nothing decent, fair, or right in what happened two years ago. But it does illustrate the shallow brutality of the law. As much as the abuse from my ex and her family was wrong; the further abuse I endured from the Australian legal system was at least as wrong.

There is a story about Victorian Legal Aid sending out letters from the phone book accusing 5 men of fathering a 12 yr old child. One of the letters went to a 15 yr old boy; who would have been 3 at the time of conception. The public pretense is that this is a singular mistake, but based on my experience with Victorian Legal Aid, it would be characteristic of the ethics of that organization, the Victorian courts and police.
So characteristic, in fact, that my ex confidently threatened to use the raw prejudice in the system for months while I was painfully crippled and disabled, then executed her extortion successfully despite being exposed by me repeatedly to VLA.
This blatant prejudice and its illegal use are supported actively by the Attorney General of Victoria, Rob Hulls. I must assume for political reasons.

One of the stories in the news is that cynicism damages the heart. How can anyone avoid cynicism in a place where such people administer the law?

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Crossover to New Blogger

Well, the crossover to the New Blogger was surprisingly smooth and successful. I had to wonder if the transfer of servers would lose any of the sidebar content. It didn't.

I've developed 5 blogs on the New Blogger in beta already for myself to test the system, and a couple of client sites as part of their initial Internet Marketing effort. It's a far more useful and powerful interface, easily challenging the efficacy of any paid blogging system.

Bravo, guys! - Good work!!

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Comment on Teri Stoddard's blog

(I'm gonna do a little cross-post here. Teri is turning into a national and international leader on these issues. She's appeared on national radio in Australia, and MensNewsDaily is one of the most popular forums in the world - PaulD)

Hi Teri,
(Yeah, it’s me, Paul. I got bored reading up on tech stuff and figured I’d come see what your blog was up to. I see you’ve decided to go very commercial. Good job!)

You know, grizzlie, I am so naive I thought we got passed this stuff decades ago. When I ran into the modern gender war, it really surprised me. The prejudice towards men has gotten deeply ingrained into law and politics - not just in America, but around the world.
It’s disgusting.

Everyone plays off the old gender roles. I think mostly because it’s all we know.
No one has figured out how to surrender to their passions and instincts without doing the mating dance game. Strange as it may sound, it makes us all so very primitive and tribal while we act so sophisticated.

And then one side or the other decides they’ve had enough of putting on the pretense, and from the confusion comes misplaced anger and resentment.
What a bad joke we all are.
And I have to admit I’m as hypocritical as anyone. I still enjoy opening doors for women, and the best date is still a long intense conversation over dinner fascinated at a woman’s unique take on things - without any overt mention of sex, it’s intensely erotic.
Yet at the same time I respect responsible women in positions of authority. I even go so far as to expect a woman to be responsible for her actions; not like the childish, self-centered Brittany character in the cartoon. To my mind, Brittany is a woman who’s looking to take advantage of her sex, simply - and not worth treating with any more respect than an errant child.
She doesn’t realize it, but she’s setting herself up to be treated like a thing, not a person. In the popular parlance, she’s objectifying herself.

And you, grizzlie, are just doing the same thing. In fact, you’re reactionary thinking is surrendering control to the Brittany’s of this world. She treats “you” like fecal matter, and you say that’s just the way it is.
Well, it’s not. And that’s the message - to my mind - of Teri’s blog.

I think it’s long past time we told the Brittany’s to grow up; and did a little of the same ourselves.
Brittany has no right to transfer her discomfort and frustrations to the guy who greets her. He, - nor any other man - is in the world to take her abuse just because she’s female.

That cartoon implies that the guy on the floor would approve of Brittany’s reasons. Now, that is crazy. What’s sad is that it’s an attitude that is widely pervasive from individuals to the lawmakers and courts.

Hint: Letting a woman crack your skull is not chivalrous. It’s just plain stupid.
I’m not going to say the guy on the floor should stand up and knock her down because that’s not something I would do. However, it is a common personal choice, I know.
What he should do, in our sophisticated non-discriminating society, is to call the police and have her arrested for assault.
Unfortunately, we all know what would happen there: He’d be laughed at by the police, and everyone around him.
It does sorta put the man in a lose-lose situation, which is intolerable.

It’s intolerable for the simple reason it denies him a sense of self-respect.

The man doesn’t stand up and knock Brittany down. He does what most decent men would do: He simply leaves the picture silently.
Where he may ultimately lose his self-respect is if he were to continue to express any interest in Brittany. Some may call this “Love”, but it’s just enabling abuse.
It is, in the final analysis, his choice though.

The sickest part in this cartoon is not Brittany, or the guy who disappears from the picture, but her friend who condones and supports Brittany. She is enabling abuse, too.

The very human kicker is this: Brittany and the guy may someday date - the abuser and her enabler may form a relationship.
Thing is, Brittany has already introduced violence into the relationship, along with selfishness and abuse.
It’s not hard to see what sort of relationship they’ll have; or the course it will take.
He’ll be obsequious towards her for a while, enduring her abuse as just “Brittany being herself”, and then one day he’ll grow tired of being spit on day after day.
All that rage comes flowing back, and … He goes to jail for assault and abuse.

There’s a kicker here too, in our contemporary social attitude: He doesn’t ever have to do anything. He may never strike her. He may, in time, try to get her to change her actions - to become responsible for her actions.
But she is addicted to abuse. Not only will she not change, but she’ll accuse him of the abuse!
And thanks to the male-bashing in cartoons like the one above, most people will believe her; including the police, social services, and the courts.
He can lose everything along with his self respect to simple prejudice.

But again, he made his own choices, didn’t he?

The empowerment Teri is talking about here is responsibility for one’s actions - otherwise known as the basis for self-respect.
Brittany made her choices, too.

Amor

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URGENT - CALL FOR ACTION ! UNITE NOW

URGENT - CALL FOR ACTION !

This e-mail has been sent to:

Dads in Distress

Dads On The Air (reform group)

EqualParenting@ yahoogroups. com

EqualParenting- Cairns@yahoogrou ps.com

Family First Party

Fatherhood Foundation

Fathers4Equality

Father4equality@ yahoogroups. com

Fathers4Justice

Joint Parenting Association

Lone Fathers Association

LoneFathers@ yahoogroups. com

Men's Confraternity

Men's Information and Support Centre

Men's Rights Agency

mra@yahoogroups. com

Non-Custodial Parents Party

nuance@yahoogroups. com

Ozydads@yahoogroups .com

Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Hi all,

This is an urgent appeal to all corners of the men's movement / equal parenting movement in Australia !

The equal parenting movement is lacking unity, coordination and vigour. Until we achieve this, we cannot hope to exert the degree of media publicity and political pressure necessary to consolidate public opinion and turn the votes of the Federal politicians.

See BELOW for a list of leaders (and their organisations) of the equal parenting movement in Australia (if I have left some out, please let me know).

To give you an idea of the lack of communication and coordination, Fathers4Equality has been running an Online Petition for the Presumption of Equal Parenting Time since 2004. 10 movement leaders have signed it. 24 have not - possibly because they weren't even aware of it. There would be many more staff in these organisations who have not signed.

I have included the URL (web address) BELOW for those of you who haven't signed and who would like to !

I have also attached a list of people who have signed it, for others who might like to sign (and are not sure if they already have). We have had problems with people signing multiple times. If you have signed it, please do not sign again. The total is cited at around 2,700 but the real total, so far, is more like 2,100.

Also, a group of us have initiated a campaign to set up stalls outside Family Courts around Australia to hand out information and collect signatures. I would encourage all organisations listed to endorse this campaign. And not only endorse it, but be involved ! Take responsibility for organising your own stalls in your area (with a permit of course).

We are not active enough. The heavy lobbying that was carried out in 2004 has resulted in no real changes to the Family Law Act. As a senior official at the Family Court, Cairns, recently said to me - "it's not about Equal Parenting Time, it's about Equal Parental Responsibility. .. it's just repackaged brie."

We already had "Equal Parental Responsibility" and in practice it doesn't mean a damn thing.

The Family Relationship Centres are a good idea in theory, but until we have Rebuttable Presumption of Equal Parenting Time legislation to back them up, they will be a waiting room for the Family Court system - a waste of time and a waste of taxpayers money.

It is time to take action once again.

I suggest:

1.. the staff of all the organisations listed sign the Fathers4Equality petition (it's the least we can do. If you don't agree with it, let us know why). See below for the URL (web address).
2.. we set up a discussion forum (or use an existing one) where leaders of the equal parenting movement and others discuss integrated and coordinated strategies for action.

If this is already happening, we need communication to the legions of disenfranchised Dads and their families who participate in forums such as Father4equality@ yahoogroups. com, LoneFathers@ yahoogroups. com, mra@yahoogroups. com, nuance@yahoogroups. com, and Ozydads@yahoogroups .com because to us it appears as though nothing is happening. I congratulate Akiva Quinn, James Adams, John Flanagan, Lindsay Jackel, and Yuri Joakimidis for regularly participating in public forums as well as Sue Price in the MRA forum.

Perhaps others do participate elsewhere. But I am sceptical of organisations purporting to represent the men's movement and the equal parenting movement, where the executive does not communicate with people, at least sometimes, on relevant online public forums. It would give so much more integrity and effectiveness to the movement, as well as be morale-building.

3.. that the above organisations endorse the campaign to set up stalls outside of Family Courts (and other locations) to hand out information and collect signatures for the petition (the petition, and current information handout are attached). And not only do they endorse the campaign, but they organise stalls in their own area. I am happy that this campaign be managed by the SPCA or some other committee. The stalls are attended by two people (foldup table and two chairs) for a two-hour period once a week.

4.. once the petition and stall campaigns are successful (eg 10,000 signatures and 50 weekly stalls nationwide) we could consider other actions.

5.. we begin work on endorsing candidates (be they Non-Custodial Parents Party, Family First Party, or other) and helping to promote them for the next Federal Election.

I can give more information on the stall campaign for anyone wishing to participate.

____________ _________ __

Those who have signed the Fathers4Equality Petition at

http://www.fathers4 equality- australia. org/equalparenti ng/petition. nsf/SignPetition

Akiva Quinn Fathers4Equality

Ash Patil Fathers4Equality

Brett Kressner Men's Confraternity

Greg Andresen Men's Information and Support Centre

James Adams Fathers4Equality

Joan Hopkins State Director (WA) Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Lionel Richards (late) OzyDads

Peter Marsh State Director (QLD) Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Tony Miller Dads in Distress

Trevor Brock State Director (NSW) Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Those who have not signed the Fathers4Equality Petition at

http://www.fathers4 equality- australia. org/equalparenti ng/petition. nsf/SignPetition

Alice Marsh Vice-President Fatherhood Foundation

Andrew Thompson, Party Secretary, Non-Custodial Parents Party

Barry Williams President Lone Fathers, Vice President 1 Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Buck (Uncle) Dads On The Air (original)

Coral Slattery Vice President 2 SPCA; Family Law Reform Assn NSW

Edward Dabrowski Federal Director Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Geoff Moses board member Fatherhood Foundation

Greg Cairns Vice President Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Jim Carter State Director (ACT) Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA); Lone Fathers Assn

John Flanagan Deputy Registered Officer, Non-Custodial Parents Party

Kerry-Anne Searcy Secretary Men's Confraternity

Kevin Fahie Treasurer Men's Confraternity

Lindsay Jackel Nuance, State Director (VIC) Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Michael Baker Treasurer Fatherhood Foundation

Michael Green QC President Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Mike Ward Convenor Men's Confraternity

Phil Latz board member Fatherhood Foundation

Reg Price Mens Rights Agency

Rodney Stanton Men's Information and Support Centre

Sue Price Mens Rights Agency

Susanne Cook State Director (SA) Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Warwick Marsh President Fatherhood Foundation

Wayne Butler Secretary Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Yuri Joakimidis

Steve Fielding, Senator, Family First Party

Men's groups and equal parenting groups

Dads in Distress

Tony Miller

http://www.dadsindi stress.asn. au/

dids@nor.com. au

Dads On The Air (original group)

http://www.dadsonth eair.com/

[couldn't find e-mail address]

Dads On The Air (reform group)

http://www.dadsonth eair.net

dadsontheair@ gmail.com

[couldn't find contact person - 'Peter' ?]

Family First Party

Steve Fielding, Senator

http://www.familyfi rst.org.au/ index.php

senator.fielding@ aph.gov.au

Fatherhood Foundation

Warwick Marsh

http://www.fatherso nline.org

info@fathersonline. org

Fathers4Equality

James Adams

http://www.fathers4 equality- australia. org

president@fathers4e quality-australi a.org

Fathers4Justice

http://www.f4joz. com/index. asp

admin@f4joz. com

[couldn't find mention of contact person]

Joint Parenting Association

http://www.jointpar enting.org. au/

info@jointparenting .org.au

[couldn't find mention of contact person]

Lone Fathers Association

Barry Williams

http://www.lonefath ers.com.au/

president@lonefathe rs.com.au

mlr1952@bigpond. net.au (newsletter editor)

Men's Confraternity

Brett Kessner

http://www.mensconf raternity. org.au/

president@mensconfr aternity. org.au

Men's Information and Support Centre

Greg Andresen, Rodney Stanton

http://www.misc. com.au/

info@misc.com. au

Men's Rights Agency

Sue Price

http://www.mensrigh ts.com.au

support@mensrights. com.au

Non-Custodial Parents Party

John Flanagan

http://www.ncpp. xisle.info/ index.htm

ncpp@xisle.info

Richard Hillman Foundation

http://www.rhfinc. org.au/

[could find no e-mail or contact person]

Shared Parenting Council of Australia (SPCA)

Michael Green

http://www.spca. org.au/

secretariat@ spca.org. au

Hoping to hear from leaders and others so we can build an active, united, and effective movement for a Rebuttable Presumption of Equal Parenting Time.

Sincerely

Geoff Holland

Equal Parenting Movement

tel (07)4055 9995

0404 376 991

PO Box 263E, Earlville, Qld 4870

EqualParenting@ optusnet.com.au

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